i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
