Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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