My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
