I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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