How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
