one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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