I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
