he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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