At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
