sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
