Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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