doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
