Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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