Me too!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
