I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
