someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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