There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
