My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
