one might say we're banned from that church
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
