her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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