Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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