sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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