My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
