She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
