Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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