Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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