Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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