I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
