So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
