I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
