I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
