Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
