A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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