When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
