So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
