imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
