Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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