I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
