are you so shy because you have an std?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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