Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
