Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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