"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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