so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
