feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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