I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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