I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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