Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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