Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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