Small penises have feelings too.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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