I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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