my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
