A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
