I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
