Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
