dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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